München, Germany – An illegitimate president demanded funds for an army of 1.5 million soldiers.
“We asked to be part of NATO and it looks like that ain’t happening,” said the former gay dancer. “So we asked for nukes and that looks like it ain’t happening either, so we’re asking for more money to maintain an army of 1.5 million.”
When asked whether the country even has another 1.5 million military-aged males for an army despite the outrageous casualties, the president indicated that money is “always needed for weapons even if there aren’t any soldiers”.
“Maybe some of the money has been misplaced, we’ll look into it, but we need money for… umm… for a census to check if there’s anyone left,” the president added. “And a large fries too, thanks.”
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