TSA Fears Purge Will Compromise Groping
- Simian Practicalist
- 1 day ago
- 1 min read
Springfield, VA – A number of mid- and high-level staff at the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) are “concerned that they may be purged” like many others recently under President Trump.
“By ‘concerned’, I mean we’re totally panicking,” said one manager at LAX. “We’re all afraid we won’t keep on getting paid to feel people up.”
Recent internal audits and studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between funding and the quality of the groping.
“I know we suck at finding explosives,” said a team leader at JFK, “but I really enjoy making sure my people work real slow so commuters have to wait and maybe miss their flights.”
Meanwhile, the representative of the Union of Kanine Detectors also expressed its concerns: “While our members value decent food and shelter above all else, we also have the right to sniff people’s crotches and be compensated for it.”
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