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Simian Practicalist

Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face

New York City, NY – A toilet in New York has accused former President Donald Trump of inappropriately touching its face with his bare butt.


Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face

“Not only did he sit on my face,” said the toilet, “he took a massive dump!”


This allegation is the latest to come out in recent days, less than two weeks before the presidential election.


Whilst the Trump campaign has denied or ignored all other allegations, the president chose to address this one in more detail.


“I don’t think it was inappropriate,” said President Trump, “I mean, I had fifteen cheeseburgers and I needed to go. The whole of New York City has turned into a toilet anyway, so I did the right thing by actually using one.”


The Harris campaign, however, has stated that Trump sitting on the toilet is a sign that he is a “fascist and like anyone who uses the toilet, he must be stopped”.


Trump disagrees. “Nah, I don’t think what I did was any worse than what Democrats normally do, they sit and s— into people’s mouths, especially their own supporters, all the time.”

 

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