Washington DC – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas told reporters FEMA does not have sufficient funding beyond any “immediate needs”.
“I realize it is unprecedented that I reveal anything but the circumstances demand I say something,” said Mayorkas. “Rest assured that I am vague regarding how much money we need to continue to do nothing.”
Mayorkas did not make any further statements except that the agency “continues to examine the situation according to its mandate to work towards a solution”.
A staff member from the agency speaking on the condition of anonymity did reveal some additional details: “We’re so out of money. Like totally. We need more to pay more staff to stop people from picking up debris and rubbish. Or doing anything for that matter. And the rats. We need to feed the rats in all fifty states, especially California.”
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