Washington DC – President Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to 19 individuals on Saturday, recognizing the utmost importance of the freedom to contribute to the destruction of country and humanity. Recipients included Hillary Clinton, Liz Cheney, George Soros and Bono.
“Before I leave, I had to do something extra gay by handing out our nation’s highest civilian honor to a group of extraordinary people who really gave it their all to totally f— things up,” said Biden. “I got one too back in… err… I don’t remember. And with Distinction, I think.”
However, the ceremony did not end there.
Biden then proceeded to award himself a medal, a new award established for this occasion: the Presidential Medal of Taking Annual Leave.
“I had to do it,” added Biden, “I mean, take days off. Messing up the country is so… umm… tiring and I deserve a medal and—”
The outgoing president had trouble putting on the medal but fell asleep while standing on stage.
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