Los Angeles, CA – On Friday, panic set in just after Ripuoff Bank had completed its hostile takeover of Eongteoli Foods, the manufacturer of the borderline-illegally hot instant ramen.
Despite the bank being financially sound prior to 10 March 2023, investors and depositors noticed that the entire board and most of the employees were scoffing down the ultra-hot ramen.
This set up a bank run before lunchtime was over.
“I didn’t think it would be that bad,” said an employee from the financial securities division speaking on the condition of anonymity. “I knew it was hot so I only used half the pack of the soup flavoring, but man, it was brutal.”
An employee from the investments division gave a similar account. “The toilets and plumbing couldn’t handle the load, s— is everywhere! And I mean everywhere, the entire building, everything has turned to s—!”
The FDIC has taken possession of Ripuoff Bank to manage the insolvency.
Meanwhile, experts are calling for the Federal Reserve to put on their ceremonial robes, light their candles and begin their “bailout” chanting.
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