The charges of racketeering and conspiracy for being a total pervert against rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs have shocked many but not all.
“Everyone knows the music industry is full of people like him, he’s just one operator,” said Alvin Wong, an aspiring metal guitarist. “I wonder how long before he accidentally commits suicide when the guards aren’t looking.”
However, for Wong, it is not just the human trafficking that is the issue.
“Should have arrested him years ago just for rap anyway,” he said. “They should go arrest other rappers instead of targeting one dude who used to be president.”
Some criticized Wong’s comments as hypocritical since metal is seen to encourage satanism or at least glorify bad behavior like rap.
“Well, they’re not entirely wong,” responded Wong, “should definitely arrest try-hards like Pretend-Rage Against the Machine But We’re Just Conformists. I just wanna play instrumental prog metal tracks at least twelve minutes long. Maybe even run down a hill while playing. Maybe I should start a band called Asians as Leaders.”
In other news, a man has been arrested for playing Eric Clapton at maximum volume on repeat at 3 AM. He claims he was merely testing his new speakers and “At least I wasn’t using Taylor Swift or Celine Dion so what the f— is your problem?!”
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