Satire 3/17

Jun 7, 20241 min read

Winnipeg Jets Renamed to Kyiv Jets

Winnipeg, MB – As part of the effort to supply Ukraine with F-16 fighter jets, the Winnipeg Jets have announced that they will be renamed...

Jun 2, 20242 min read

Empire Denies Striking Ewok Camp

Endor (GNS) – The Empire has denied striking an Ewok camp on Tuesday after rebels claimed imperial stormtroopers and armor have killed at...

May 29, 20241 min read

Owner of Tent Planet Fears Business Will Be Flattened

San Francisco, CA – Alain Snipes, owner of Tent Planet, is worried that his business will finally be flattened. “First, it was the...

May 25, 20241 min read

FAA Reveals Another Flaw in Death Star That Can Cause Explosion

Imperial Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Another potentially disastrous flaw has been discovered on an imperial weapons platform. The imperial...

May 23, 20241 min read

Unvaccinated Man Wonders Why the Sudden Heart Attack

Philadelphia, PA – An unvaccinated man suffered a mild heart attack over the weekend and was baffled as to the cause. Jason Cheung, 37...

May 22, 20242 min read

Australia Announces First Human Case of Bird Flu in Most Unoriginal Script Ever

Melbourne, Australia – The Victorian Department of Health has confirmed that a child returning from overseas tested positive for avian...

May 19, 20241 min read

Basketball Player Proposes Two Playoff Games with No Live Audience

Los Angeles, CA – LeBron James announced on Wednesday that he and the Lakers will not participate in any playoff matches run by the NBA,...

May 18, 20241 min read

Bridge Collapse 4 Aims to Barge In as a Summer Blockbuster

Hollywood, CA – In the hopes of scoring big at the box office this summer, Hollywood producers are hoping that the fourth installment of...

May 14, 20241 min read

Asian Man’s CPI Increases by 153%

Los Angeles, CA – A middle-class Asian man is really feeling the rising cost of living. “Yeah, the gas went up and the veggies goes up...

May 12, 20241 min read

Asian Children Ecstatic as Rising Costs Stop Lessons

Melbourne, Australia – Asian children across the country are celebrating their newfound freedom as rising costs of living have forced...

May 11, 20241 min read

Doctor Shreds Hippocratic Oath

New York City, NY – In response to resistance against the pandemic treaty and the standard approach of using vaccines for COVID-19, a...

May 7, 20241 min read

Australian PM: Control of “Misogynistic” Content Online

Canberra, ACT – Prime Minister Anthony Albanese called for a “debate” on the control of “misogynistic” content online. “By ‘debate’, I...

May 4, 20241 min read

Dad Questions If Children Have Been Fiddling with HAARP Thermostat

Omaha, NE – Given the recent severe weather in the midwest, a man has been questioning whether his children have been playing with more...

May 2, 20241 min read

Experts: New COVID Boeing Variant Can Cause Sudden Death

Arlington, VA – Medical experts are warning that the latest COVID variant “Boeing” is so dangerous that it can cause sudden death. “We...

May 1, 20241 min read

Trump Held in Contempt for Eating Burgers in Court

New York City, NY – President Donald Trump was held in contempt of court on Tuesday. He was fined $9,000 for repeatedly scoffing down...

May 1, 20241 min read

Australian PM Pushing for Takedown of Government Backstabbing Footage

Canberra, ACT – In the aftermath of the knife attack at an Assyrian church in Sydney, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese called for the...

Apr 25, 20241 min read

Man Sees Everyone As Asian Due to Rare Disorder

Los Angeles, CA – Jimmy never needed glasses and just got a clean report on his recent visit to the optometrist. However, after lunch one...

Apr 14, 20241 min read

Woman to Promote Concave Earth

Santa Barbara, CA – Isabella Thomas feels like she’s “going completely bonkers” with all the flat-earthers and globers “going on and on”....

Apr 10, 20241 min read

White House: Really Careful about Ignoring Church Teachings

Washington D.C. – The Biden administration continues to support the transgender community after the Vatican’s latest condemnation of...

Mar 13, 20241 min read

Student Submits Blank Report, Fails

An engineering student has failed his final year project after handing in his 150-page report. “The report was submitted on time. It was...

Mar 5, 20241 min read

Complete List of Coups Not Instigated by the CIA Since Its Founding

Complete list of coups not instigated or supported by the CIA since its founding in 1947.

1 2

4 5

Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off
Use Code: MERRYXMAS

MERCHANDISE!

Opinyuns

Everyone's got one.

10% Off
Use Code: MERRYXMAS

Do You Have Any Opinyuns? Let Us Know!

10% Off Use Code: MERRYXMAS

10% Off
Use Code: MERRYXMAS