It’s not “open government”, it’s “easygoing government”!

San Francisco, CA – It is the policy of Wakeham Elementary School for each class to hand out a weekly award for academic achievements.

The Federation starship USS New Zealand is still on red alert and in lockdown after detecting one case of COVID.

New York City, NY – The joke that the NFL stands for “not for long” may turn out to be half-true after all.

Washington DC – A new scientific study has shown that any time officials use the words “the science shows”, the statement is true.

New York City, NY – Pro-choice protestors have denounced the ancient Romans as not being sufficiently supportive of abortion.

The White House now is warning that the COVID Taliban strain may sweep across the country.

Honolulu, HI – Some Hawaiians have petitioned that the “Hawaiian Pizza” be renamed because it’s racist.

Seattle, WA – Coffee sales have soared in the second quarter of 2021, a small sign that suggests some hope for the economy.

Days after Olivia Rodrigo’s appearance, the White House has invited other celebrities to help promote the vaccines.

Hacktivist bunnies group Anomnomnomnymous have declared war on the human elite...

The Democrats have denied ordering Skynet to defund the police. “That is ridiculous,” said Biden, “as if we… we would waste taxpayer’s...

New York City, NY – Pfizer has confirmed some women’s claims that their breasts were enlarged after receiving their vaccinations.

Hadley’s Hope, LV-426 – CNN’s town hall event with Biden on Wednesday night was a ratings failure.

Philadelphia, PA – When Georgina applied for a job at MeeWare Solutions, she was told that all employees had to be vaccinated.

Atlanta, GA – Twenty thousand teenagers skipped school on Tuesday protesting against all ID laws.

Melbourne, Australia – The Premier of Victoria, Dan Andrews, has announced that the latest lockdown will be extended...

Macron: “...the vaccinations are not really for COVID. It’s actually for protection against Germans.”

Biden to fact-check more text messages, starting with the age-old and statistically common question: Babe, what’re you wearing?

Charlotte, NC – A sixth-grade student has been suspended for confusing CRT with CVT.

Mars Spaceport – A fat lady exploded in rage at the Mars spaceport yesterday after a heated argument regarding the latest lockdown and...