Satire

10 hours ago1 min read

Biden Awards Himself the Medal of Taking Annual Leave

Washington DC – President Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to 19 individuals on Saturday, recognizing the utmost...

4 days ago1 min read

FBI: Deadly Rebel Attack on Death Star “not related to Rebels”

Coruscant (GNS) – The FBI is still investigating the attack on the Death Star, describing it as “not related to Rebels”. Over 1.8 million...

Dec 23, 20241 min read

Biden Would Pardon Herod If He Could

Washington DC – President Joe Biden has commuted the death sentences of 37 out of 40 individuals. “Make no mistake: I condemn these...

Dec 23, 20241 min read

Young Man Convinced Some Old People Should Just Stay Home

Philadelphia, PA – After having attended his cousin’s wedding, a young man is convinced that some old people should just stay home. “I’ve...

Dec 19, 20241 min read

Biden to Pardon 8,000 Drones

Washington DC – President Joe Biden announced on Thursday that in addition to commuting the sentences of about 1,500 individuals, he will...

Dec 12, 20241 min read

Predator’s Acquittal a Safety Concern for Subway Commuters

New York City, NY – Following Predator’s not guilty verdict in the high-profile case, some have commented regarding the safety...

Dec 11, 20241 min read

ED-209 Falls Down Stairs During Lunch

Washington DC – ED-209 fell down stairs on Tuesday during its lunchtime patrol, sustaining “scratches to its body and minor damage to its...

Dec 9, 20241 min read

Palpatine Considering Preemptive Pardons for Anakin Skywalker

Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Chancellor Palpatine is considering blanket preemptive pardons for Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Sources...

Dec 3, 20241 min read

Man Thought South Korean Martial Law Part of K-drama

Sydney, Australia – A man who was binging on K-drama early on Wednesday morning thought news of the martial law declaration in South...

Nov 22, 20241 min read

Man Cleans Windows and Installs New Curtains for Three Days of Darkness

Philadelphia, PA – A man decided to rip out his horizontal blinds, clean the windows and install new curtains. His wife thought he did it...

Oct 26, 20241 min read

The Ominous Owl #4

Welcome to the fourth entry by the Ominous Owl, the number that is truly ominous. At least for those who are afraid of death. That was a...

Oct 26, 20241 min read

Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face

New York City, NY – A toilet in New York has accused former President Donald Trump of inappropriately touching its face with his bare...

Oct 14, 20241 min read

Trump Faces Dilemma to Collect More Assassination Attempt Badges

Coachella, CA – In the aftermath of a man arrested outside of his campaign rally for using fake VIP credentials and possessing multiple...

Oct 6, 20241 min read

Mayorkas: FEMA Needs More Money to Stop People Doing Anything

Washington DC – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas told reporters FEMA does not have sufficient funding beyond any “immediate...

Oct 4, 20241 min read

Lindsey Graham: Must Help Hurricane Victims by Helping Israel

Washington DC – Senator Lindsey Graham responded to the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, stating that “the devastation is just...

Oct 4, 20241 min read

Dog Denies Noise Complaint, Claims Being a “Middle-class Kid”

Philadelphia, PA – A dog in Swarthmore, Philadelphia, has answered noise complaints against him by declaring that he is “a middle-class kid”

Sep 29, 20241 min read

Boy Fails Test despite Being a “Middle-class kid”

San Francisco, CA – After having been awarded for “attempting” every test question in fourth grade, Jake of Wakeham Elementary School has...

Sep 26, 20241 min read

Diddy Not Eating in Prison Due to Missing Special Ingredient

New York City, NY – Reports have been circulating that Sean “Diddy” Combs has been refusing to eat at the Metropolitan Detention Center...

Sep 24, 20241 min read

Walz: Good to Shove Tampon Up Truck Exhaust

St Paul, MN – Tim Walz, the Democrat nominee for vice president in the 2024 US presidential election, has demonstrated that he is just...

Sep 19, 20241 min read

Asian Metalhead Glad a Rapper Is Finally Arrested

The charges of racketeering and conspiracy for being a total pervert against rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs have shocked many but not all....

Sep 18, 20241 min read

Ohio to Get New Team: Springfield Voodoo

Springfield, OH – Ohio, home to many professional sports teams, will get another one. The Springfield Voodoo will debut this year. There...

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